Second Guesses

'My compulsive bad habits do little but add,
To the convincing aesthetic I've built as a mask,
It's condescending to think that I'm new and improved,
I only twist the nails and hammer the screws.

And these monochrome rainbows survive long enough,
For me to see that the colours have turned into doubt,
The golden ring around my head just weighs me down.'

Those two verses are from a song I wrote a while back. 

We're paralysed by insecurities that freeze our hearts with such sad self-pity. Like a poison with no antidote, we can only wait. Hope comes along for the ride, at least until the path turns rocky and it decides to desert us for better company. 

Insecurities consume us. Minds rigid with discontent, the flaws that make us who we are now flicker into flames impossible to ignore. Shelterless, we run from ourselves. These moments when we question ourselves are mercilessly raw as we confront our own fears in the privacy of our thoughts. Old worries resurface. Sleepless nights encountered. 
Overthinking is a trap we lay for ourselves. I've never known why I do it.

Some days are just more depressing than others.


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